the honest, raw truth – Perfectly Imperfect

I wish more people were honest and truthful and weren’t afraid to be themselves. So often, we always only hear of the positive in people’s life and never talk about the negative. Well, that’s because people don’t want to hear negative things or talk about their feelings. I have a love/hate relationship with social media as I’m sure a lot of you do. However, you have to realize that most things are not real…social media is more-so an illusion. Sure, it’s fun to post beautiful photos of your outfit or new handbag…beauty supples, etc. BUT, what you don’t see is what happened 10 minutes before that post or what the person behind the post is really going through.

We all want to portray perfect lives and act like we live on a rainbow where butterflies and donut holes exist 24/7 (wouldn’t that be fun?…especially the donuts). I on the other hand like to be honest and share my struggles, what’s going on…my highs, my lows….you know, the truth. I don’t necessarily share it all the time on social media because I do like to keep some things private but if you’re one of my good friends, you know I have no filter and say what I mean, how I feel, what’s going on…almost too often. Talking about my feelings and how I’m feeling is SO therapeutic. I do shut down sometimes and just hold things in but when I do that…I find it makes things so much more difficult.

OK, I’ll cut to the point of this post here….a little over a year ago I wrote a post about my “happiness journey” (view: HERE) and the struggles I went through with my weight, happiness and just everything in general and how I finally felt amazing and was “living my best life” (#liveyourbestlife). What a lot of you don’t know is fast forward to a few months later, I started to slowly sink back into my slump, or “funk” is what I like to call it. I was on a high for so long and feeling amazing- ran a half marathon and continued to run races, and felt unstoppable until suddenly I didn’t anymore.

My funk didn’t happen all in one day– there were many things that played a part: i.e. my work life balance, planning a wedding, blogging, writing, going to 8000 events….basically just doing TOO MANY THINGS at once and not focusing on the most important part….ME, my health. You know the saying, “you have nothing without your health”? Well, this is SO SO SO SO TRUE! If you’re not healthy and don’t feel good about yourself- mind, body and soul, then everything is completely thrown off and out of whack.

I started to really notice my zest for life decreasing in the beginning of 2017. For the first half of 2017, I was in a funk. I started it out with ZERO new year resolutions and just had a “piss-poor” attitude. (Mind you, back in 2016, I had a page full of new years resolutions). I knew I was in a funk, and that I wasn’t my true self but honestly, I felt that I couldn’t shake it. I kept telling myself that it would pass; I would wake up one day and just feel like my happy go-lucky self again. Weeks passed…months passed…and here we are. I felt SO out of control and that I didn’t have control of my own life. I was spending most of my time at a job I wasn’t happy in and took zero time for myself. My life basically took backseat to everything. I really didn’t like the person I was becoming and honestly, didn’t want to even be around myself. I had zero passion for anything and even tasks that were once so simple, became SO tedious and hard for me. I tried numerous times to write– because that’s my stress reliever and the way I let it all out– but even that didn’t work. I REALLY wanted to get back into the gym and start running and working out again but each time I’d go, I’d fail. I would go for maybe 2 days and fall back into my habits again. I was exhausted, with zero energy and completely shut down. Side note: you’d think someone with no energy would slow down but the reason I was doing so many events/things on the side was to distract myself from what was actually going on inside my head.

A little over 2 weeks ago, I woke up feeling extremely motivated and since then, have gone to the gym almost every day and even went on my first run today. During my run, I started getting teary eyed and then a flood of emotion came over me. It was a feeling of freedom….a feeling of control and just overall joy. I had been waiting for this moment for a while now and honestly, didn’t know when it would come. I am now in a clearer headspace, am doing something that I love and surrounding myself with people that lift me up. Now, I’m not saying quit your day job, travel and leave your troubles behind because that’s not reality. The purpose of this post was to let anyone know that is struggling with the same thing, that you’re not alone. We all go through highs and lows and sometimes get in funks and feel defeated– BUT, you can and will get out of it. You just can’t give up on yourself. We are humans: we make mistakes, we lose, we win, we cry, we laugh, we get angry and we for sure aren’t perfect. But, we get to live. I hate taking my life for granted and getting down in the dumps but, as long as we shake it off eventually and get back on track, everything will be A-OK.

I’m not saying that I’ll never be in a funk again because…I know I will. That’s life! And you just have to accept that it’s like a rollercoaster. You just need to be strong enough to take back control of your life and #liveyourbestlife because……we only get one! It’s your life, your journey and guess what, you are in control of how you want it to all play out.

And after that long post…..TGIF! Love you all.

 

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